Busy isn’t respectable anymore.


Why busyness isn't all it's cracked up to be and a challenge to put it behind us.

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“The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you’re still a rat.” | Lily Tomlin

busyisnt

Being busy used to make me feel important. It made me feel like the world needed me, like somehow I was more valuable or valid when busy. Perhaps that’s why I wore it like a badge and quickly resorted to it when people asked how life was. Yet in all reality, busyness was just another addiction I clung to so I could avoid things that made me uncomfortable.

Sadly, the things I often stayed busy to avoid happened to be some of the more worth while things in life.

I recently shared an article by one of my favorite columnists, Tim Kreider, in which he divulges on the vanity of always being busy. The general gist of his rant can be caught when he says,

“I did make a conscious decision, a long time ago, to choose time over money, since I’ve always understood that the best investment of my limited time on earth was to spend it with people I love. I suppose it’s possible I’ll lie on my deathbed regretting that I didn’t work harder and say everything I had to say, but I think what I’ll really wish is that I could have one more beer with Chris, another long talk with Megan, one last good hard laugh with Boyd. Life is too short to be busy.”

Tim’s article is one of many pieces in a recent and widespread frustration with the perpetual busyness of life. As of late, there seems to be a general suspicion growing about the, once viable, value of always being busy. And because more questions are being asked, more answers are being found.

As it turns out, always being busy isn’t a virtue, nor is it something to respect anymore. Among many reasons for this, there are a few that stand out to me.

It can actually be a sign of an inability to manage our lives well. Though we all have seasons of crazy schedules, few people have a legitimate need to be busy ALL of the time. For the rest of us, we simply don’t know how to live within our means, prioritize correctly, or say no. “Being busy is not the same as being productive,” says Tim Ferriss, “…and is more often used as a guise for avoiding the few critically important but uncomfortable actions. Being busy is a form of laziness – lazy thinking and indiscriminate action.”

It can be indicative of a lack of confidence and self-worth. Often we stay busy to subconsciously feel important and valuable to the world around us. Sadly, this points to an ignorance of our inherent value, in that regardless of our performance in life, we are important, loved and valuable. This slippery slope typically makes us too uncomfortable with ourselves or the reality of our lives to slow down.

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Busyness actually restricts professional performance and limits mental capacity. With plenty of recently published psychological and biological evidence of this, Kreider seems to capture it well in the previously cited Busy Trap when he says,

“Idleness is not just a vacation, an indulgence or a vice. It is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body, and deprived of it we suffer a mental affliction as disfiguring as rickets. The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole, for making unexpected connections and waiting for the wild summer lightning strikes of inspiration — it is, paradoxically, necessary to getting any work done.”

Busy often keeps us from the finer things in life. Though being busy can make us feel more alive than anything else for a time, the sensation is not sustainable long term. We will inevitably, whether tomorrow or on our deathbed, come to wish that we spent less time in the buzz of the rat race and more time actually living. Or as Seneca says in Letters from a Stoic, “There is nothing the busy man is less busied with than living, and there is nothing harder to learn.”

An Experiment & Challenge in Resisting Busy.

Paul E. Ralph is a fundraising, copywriting & marketing expert living outside of Toronto. He’s recently launched PathwaysFund, an online tool which assists non-profits to cultivate spontaneous generosity. He also happens to be a longtime friend.

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I’ll never forget when I was young seeing Paul standing outside in the freezing cold after evacuating my house with nothing but his boxers, a toothbrush in his mouth, and a pet parakeet under his shirt. This was after another friend and I, in attempt to clean up around the house, emptied hot coals from the fireplace into the plastic trashcan and returned it to it’s respective place: in the garage between two Lexus’. Long story short, six firetrucks later, we were able to salvage the cars and laugh about the incident today.

Shortly after I posted the previously mentioned article, Paul reached  out to me about an experiment he and his wife did last year revolving around the issue of busyness. I thought it too good not to share.

Enter Paul.

My wife and I began noticing that everybody in our circle of influence, including ourselves, responded to virtually any question with “busy.” Normal questions? busy. Normal life? busy. It was evident that the new normal was a declaration of busy.  It became the new mantra for living in the 21st century.  ‘I am busy.  Hear me roar!’

So, we decided to conduct an experiment.

We decided to never use the phrase BUSY as an answer for an entire year and to see if there were any changes in attitude and/or behaviour. Ours. Theirs.

We noticed alright.  Instantly.

We were forced to describe our own situations with more clarity, and without our best friend ‘busy’ to blame, we engaged with people more authentically. As we did, we noticed the general depth of conversations increase as we and those we were sharing with, were invited to communicate differently about our actual states of being.

We stopped manipulating our friends. We weren’t actually aware that we were doing it before, however with that little four letter word excommunicated, we no longer predetermined the ubiquitous auto-response – “me too.”

We also quit guilting other people with all of our so called busy-ness. There’s nothing quite like the overachiever in the crowd diminishing everybody else efforts.  Our busyness somehow validated us in the minds of our peers. So we thought.  When we stopped using the word, we were free to be happy with our efforts for the day – and free to let others be comfortable with their own accomplishments.

‘The devil made me do it’ was a well-worn phrase when I was a kid.  Perhaps ‘busy’ is its new iteration.  An unintended consequence of our banishment of all things busy was that we stopped justifying our poor behaviors & choices.  As we practiced choosing better words to describe our circumstances, we noticed a steady decline in the blame game. It included saying things like “we choose to take on too much…our bad.”

And most importantly, when we quit using the word BUSY, we noticed that others did the same. It was refreshing, for all of the aforementioned reasons.

Busy, it would seem, is a self-fulfilling prophecy.  The more we said it – the more we felt it.  The more we felt – the more we acted like it.  The more we acted like it – (well, you know the rest).  Guess what?  When we quit saying it, we reversed SOME (not all) of the craziness.

Exit Paul.

So, here’s the challenge. Regardless of our love or hate of busyness, let’s experiment with what it’s absence does for us.

There are several ways we could go about doing this. Elimination using the 20/80 rule, or a good dose of Parkinson’s law, or any one of a number of popular methods. However, I like Paul’s approach.

For one month, I’m going to stop using the word “busy.” I’m going to resist the comfort of it to try and dig deeper to explain how things really are. If I feel busy, my hope is to be aware enough to discover why and to learn how I can change it.

Join me. Or at the very least, remember that being busy isn’t all it’s cracked up to be and often isn’t as necessary as we think.

Disclaimer: Being busy, in this context, is not synonymous with being hard working or productive or effective. (read more about this here) Also, this article is calling into question busyness for busyness sake. Busyness by necessity, at least for a season, is an entirely different conversation.
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Also, I’ve recently been fascinated by the impact of our daily routines. Rhythms is a series of short weekly emails on how to design your daily rhythms, in cooperation with your biology, to increase energy, productivity & margin. If interested, learn more here.

  • https://www.tylerwardis.com/ tyler ward

    Great thoughts. Thanks for them.

    And I agree that balance is beautiful and often a nice alternative to staying busy just to be busy all the time.

  • https://www.tylerwardis.com/ tyler ward

    How about work smarter & harder so you don’t work longer?

    I like the idea posed here that one can be busy, but not out of sorts. I agree entirely. The intent was simply to pose a value for balance – or not being addicted to busyness.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • https://www.tylerwardis.com/ tyler ward

    Jules Design: Fair and respectful thoughts. There is certainly no vanity in being busy in certain seasons of life. Its the addiction to being busy thats being questioned here.

    I do, in fact, have 2 kids under 3 and am an entrepreneur with limited resources. I empathize with your pain. Coming out of the busiest season of my life, this article was inspired by a reevaluation my wife and I did- in attempts to not lose these valuable formation years with the kids at the hands of career. Here were some of our findings, if interested: https://www.tylerwardis.com/2014-resolutions/

    Thanks for the thoughts.

  • Montreal Recruiter

    Not sure I agree with it all, but interesting article

  • hello101

    I so agree… I’ve cut almost all of the people like that out of my life over the years. They’re not your friends. Even my busiest TRUE friends will return a call or text.

  • hello101

    Go to google scholar & type in “workaholism” – you’ll see much of this has been backed up empirically as well.

  • rickmartinson

    One of my pet complaints. Everyone has exactly the same amount of time as anyone else. I’d prefer for someone to say “I didn’t want to do it.”

  • Shontal Lottering

    Absolutely need to read this ! thank you

  • shawnaoh

    I stopped using the work “busy” about 2 years ago and found it challenging to answer the question that everyone asked “how are you these days? I bet you are really busy”. I try to answer them before they put words into my mouth. Any suggestions of responses (love the “I am sorry to hear that, I hope things get better for you)

  • RauntandRave

    I’ve reposted this a few places, I love it so much. Thank you for, ever-so-elegantly, capturing my thoughts. I stopped using ‘busy’ (and the word ‘should’) about 3 years ago and it’s made a big difference in my life. Typically associated thoughts of being ‘unreachable’ or being ‘ashamed’ have almost ceased. Words are powerful! Being thoughtful and poignant is, too. Thank you!

  • Philmo

    I agree mostly, but I believe my son has adopted the optimum approach; be busy, highly selective and consciously empathetic 🙂

  • tsewtsew

    great article! I was going to write it but got busy and lost my chance. I have been reflecting on this for so long. I feel like I know all these guys. I actually do. you have been in my head for so long. Thanks for sharing something I wanted to but didn’t how to. or I got busy. Thanks,

  • Joe

    Me too

  • kat

    That last line is a bit of an overgeneralization, don’t you think? My boyfriend is a government worker in the IT sector, and he is definitely productive. And this includes after hours work and middle of the night work. So yeah, that’s a bit unfair.

  • kat

    Sorry for your loss… I like what you said: “It’s all about the journey.” That is so true and I’m not sure why it’s so difficult for so many of us to live that way. Many people (myself included) focus so much on the past and the future but forget to live in the moment. And I think not living in the moment contributes to the stress and anxiety in life. So thanks for the reminder 🙂

  • jewlizard

    In my experience, the reason government workers respond with “busy” is because 1. it’s true and 2. it would take far too long to try and explain to the enquirer the complexities of the job they do! I have worked with and managed very, very few government workers who are lazy or who don’t care passionately about the work they do. My government experience has been in human services so…. maybe those traits are confined to human services workers, but I really really doubt that is the case. Please don’t continue the stereotype of “lazy government workers”. It’s unhelpful and untrue.

  • Pax

    I definitely am going to try it for a month if not for the rest of my life. I do say “that word” and after reading your superb article realised that it is a cop-out or an excuse for what I did not want to do or did not get around to doing.

  • Rob

    I enjoyed this. Paul is very wise to articulate this in our cultural experience. Business is not productive, and more often than not it is a cover for a much deeper insecurity. I would hope that we are able to live lives that are content and full of gratitude. That’s what it is to truly live in the moment. A life of gratitude and contentment is of great gain. Especially if that gratitude is directed toward the Creator.

  • Cindy Boily

    Loved the article. I am going to share this article with my clients who are struggling with life balance. Thank you!

  • MiguelHP

    Words are powerful and Balance is that elusive holy-grail that most of us claim to be in search of. Today IS the first day of the rest of my life and relishing every moment, being here and now, and asking if this is the best use of this moment, is the most important question I will ask today.

  • Warg

    Interesting but it seems wrong to limit our vocabulary for the sake of people’s perception of a temporary state as a constant stigma. Maybe this does affect people who also struggle with the limited amount of words they can use and therefore classify themselves as being under one umbrella term as opposed to expressing themselves more precisely. In any case, I do understand and agree with you on the idea that we take our time far too seriously and therefore classify our time as being “busy” as opposed to maybe “busy but flexible”. I believe that the core stigma from busy is merely our misunderstanding and misevaluation of our time and its value. Also, this probably works but if you always feel “busy” then there may be a bigger issue requiring a different, introspective, form of self-treatment and this may be a bandaid for that. Overall, this was a good, well written, and thought provoking article.

  • Mary-Ellen

    Ros and Stephanie, I agree with you. Busy is interestingly enough can be a lazy word. Also makes me think of busy body. I used to say it all the time but no more. Grateful for the challenge put forth by the author.

  • Christine

    I totally agree with this. Busy is so often just a lack of time management. I run a small business and have one client who never pays on time or even replies to my emails when I send an invoice, and after a few reminder emails she finally pays up, with the excuse that she was too busy to pay. it’s been like this for years, and after the last one she didn’t pay on time I emailed her and said “I know you’re busy. All my clients are. So am I, I’m a single mom with a business, a job and other activities I’m involved in, but if we all still have to pay our bills on time!” She’s been paying on time ever since. Most of us have lots to do, but “too busy” is usually just being disorganized. I like the idea of not using “busy” as an excuse or an answer to what I’ve been up to.and I am going to try to stop saying it and see what happens.

  • Christine

    This is perfect. Thanks for sharing this.

  • Carissa

    The article is not about judging others but the evaluation of self.

  • Deanna

    Yes, I, too, have noticed that the excuse of being “too busy” is often used as a “reason” for not doing something. I have heard this used as well in many regards. So interesting, isn’t it? When I recognize that I’m too busy to function in an organized and responsible manner, I take it as a sign that it’s time to eliminate something in my life. I sometimes imagine a life boat and it’s beginning to sink. What should I throw overboard to help the situation? I think that we all have the ability to solve problems that are creating havoc in our lives. It’s the responsible and mature thing to do, right? Learning to design our lives so that it’s balanced can be a discipline for some, but when you think about it, it’s about being logical and stepping back to view the big picture. I’m glad that your client was able to read between the lines and act in a responsible way. Whew.

  • rivardau

    too “busy” to pay a bill? No, that is someone who forgot to pay a bill, who didnt have the money to pay a bill, or plain outright ignores the bill.

    That is what computerised calendar reminders, online bill pays, your continual emails, heck even wall calendars and sticky notes on a computer — are for: to remind you to pay a bill, ontime.

    Adding a late payment fee policy works wonders too – and it IS a justifiable cost for you….if you have to spend 5 extra hours of work/emails/stress each month over this 1 client, who as you say, is continuously late, pay yourself at least 8$/hr for dealing with this late paying client, and you can justify a 40$/mo late fee.

    or use a percentage, or less hours or whatever. But pay yourself some dollar amt per hour or per incident or whatever. And then apply it across the board, say, effective in X months in advance to give all customers time to know that policy will change.

    However, you can still choose to occassionally waive the fee, for being a nice business owner, or for a customer service issue.

    And then you can choose to waive it on a case-by-case basis for the occasional late-payer who was sick, legitimately forgot, had a bank error, or a FEMA disaster, or whatever.

    And I’ll tell you why it works to get paid faster, maybe even on time….because if there are more bills than money, the bills with the highest interest rates or the bills with fees get paid before the bills that dont have fees.

    And, if after all that, they want to pay late, then you have the right for them to pay you for your time and lost savings interest rates from not having the money in your own account on time.

    Also, if you have a fee policy that people know of, and then one time per year you give a grace waiver, the customers will actually appreciate you more too, and perhaps even cement a better relationship in the future – both with timely payments, and with more orders.

    think of it….no one ever starts boycotting a company because they waived a fee that they had the right to charge….people usually get angry at companies when they feel cheated, lied to, obscure fine print, etc…but not when a company is nice and waives a fee that the person thought they might have to pay.

  • Laura

    I vow to not use the word BUSY! I love this article and for some reason today, I was led to reading it. Out of all the things that I could be doing today, I set BUSY aside. Things will still be there like laundry, housework or shopping. Interactions, living in the moment or those once in a lifetime experiences come and go.

  • Steve

    Good article pointing out the fact that “being busy” is a catch phrase for “I really have no clue what I do with my time, but now it’s gone”. Point 2 is that being busy is not the same as being productive. Point 3, more annoyingly is that when people say they are “busy”, they may not want to talk with you…

  • Steve

    Oh snap, I am guilty of this. Sometimes, I am embarrassed to say that I do not have the funds to pay right away, but other times, It’s plain avoidance of paying bills. Your post does put my lack of attentiveness into perspective.

  • Robert

    Hard to relate to the article – sounds like you had a weird syndrome. I thought people these days fight boredom and lack of engagement more than the opposite.

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